==tulip speaks==

Gatherings, dances, BBQs, smiles of grannies, giggles of young gals,
cries of babies..and the list goes on. Festive season brings out the
best in us. We never fail to greet those we stumble upon -be it in the
shopping complex, banks, neighborhood, college or even school. We hold
a smile across the face greeting strangers. We invite your colleagues,
coursemates, neighbor’s, customers, uncles and aunts to our open house.
But there is something we overlook (or pretend to overlook) all the
time. Those who were with us at each stage of life but now has
disappear to nowhere.

Ever wondered any of these people on Deepavali Day (or
any other festival/important days)? We, human, have very short memory
unfortunately. We tend to forget the past when stunned by exciting
present. But past is what holds the present and present holds your
future. I’m awed at my abilities to ‘forget’ those who were so special
for me at different stages of my life. I can still remember how
depended I was to all these people. At that point of time, it was
almost impossible to live a day without them but as time goes by, they
are replaced by new bonds. But did we meet them to eventually forget
their existence?

I promised to myself never to write personal post directed to
others but I
can’t afford to ignore this. Someone I know and I adore is
leaving the country next Monday and will be away for the next 40 days.
40 days period is a long time. It became even longer when the person
decides to leave without saying goodbye. Dont know what went wrong. Did
I do any mistakes? :S I’m still puzzled.

Leaving me in this state is NOT a good decision. You
know what kinda maniac I can be. Decision I take can be drastic at
times. Too bad some of the decision end up irreversable. Nah..Me not
threatening anyone. Just telling when I am capable of. I am capable of
doing weirdiest stuff beyond anyone’s imagination. Touch your heart and tell me - don’t you know this already?

I just want to be here when you come back. Give me a break. Will you?

You’ll be missed.

Friendster is not allowing me to post embedded codes here. Please refer to my First Audio Post in blogspot to hear me.

My very first post in blogspot was
a stupid scribbling of my life. Now when I’m reading the first post, I
do feel like a dumb girl. It was about how much I wanna be a medical
doctor despite doing MSc in Clinical Nutrition. You can read it HERE and the post was continued HERE.

Its
not that I wanna write Part 3 of the same thing but its just something
aching inside for a long time. Previously I do write about how I’m
losing the steering of my life. It was going haywire and even now, I’m
trying hard (maybe too hard) to make it right. Thinking of the past 3
years which was not very good, I can’t help but to praise the survivor
inst
inct in me. No bragging but I think I deserve the title survivor. I
lived a safe life inside a cocoon called varsity. Until I enrolled in
my master programme, which taught me countless survival skills. The
first year was kinda okie, but The last 2 years were the lowest point
in my life so far. Emotionally I was finished. Physically I was frail.
Mentally I was exhausted. I nearly gave up my studies. Seriously. If
not for a friend, Sivakumar whom I met for a brief time, I would have
gone long time ago. I still believe he was send by God to stop me from
taking stupid and drastic decision - that was to quit. After I began to
concentrate in my studies, he just varnished and I don’t know where he
is right now.

The
direction of my life changed. and I know its changed forever. I am not
the same anymore. I used to be a timid but jovial type of person. But
that’s not true anymore. I developed this hostility inside me which
doesn’t want to go away. I hate strangers. I hate people who I barely
know. Its not exactly ‘hate’, its more like..scared of them. and I also
developed some kinda anger in me. I got agitated even for small little
things. I lost interest in everything I used to do. I lost my
individuality.

I
used to blame some people for all this. but not anymore. If they are
reading this, I just want them to know that I hold no grudges towards
anyone. I am not letting go of the memories but at the same time, I
don’t want to hold on someone else’s life anymore. Its pain not only
for them, but for also for me. I always say the day you realize what I
feel, I won’t be around anymore. I used to tell it without realizing
the fact that the day will arrive soon. But as everyone says.. we plan
but He decides. I can only plan for a change but He has the final say.

Between, I am taking break for Deepavali. Will be back blogging after a week or so. My warm Deepavali wishes to all.

and it refers to me.

that’s how I feel for the past
couple of days. Lot of stuff to do but just don’t have mood to do
anything. Newspapers looks dull. Computer screen looks invisible. Got
so many new books and magz on my shelf and I got no mood to read any of
them (which is weird). Haven’t blog hop properly for weeks and don’t
have mood to do that also. I just happen to post the 2 posts below
last Friday out of blue. Nothing in the pay-TV that interest me
nowadays (may be apart for AP, DC and NGC). Even CSI looks too routine.
Cleaned my room twice and don’t feel like doing it again. Washed my car
only to be blanketed by the damn haze-thanks to our neighbor. Think I
am going mad. Migrated to new yahoo id last week and all my buddies are
in but no one seems to be online nowadays. Wonder what happened. Was
considering a saree-shopping spree but hell no, I am not going to ask
money from mom!! Wished had more frens jobless like me. At least can
lepak around. Nothing like that also. Feel like wanna travel around
more but don’t have a company. Hate to go alone. I think I better get
hitched soon.

and I sound random. *sigghhh

Funny video clips..Hahahaha.. Just to chill out after reading the earlier post

Have a nice weekend guys.

Peacock has to dance with its colorful feathers to impress the peahen.

Male praying mantis becomes the dinner for the female mantis of his choice at the end of his mating session with her.

Similarly, male Australian black widows loses their life to venomous fangs of the females while mating.

Male wolf sticks with one female partner for the rest of his life.

Several male Jacanas have to share one female at the same time.

Lions are known to manipulate a group of lioness for food (shame on you) and sex.

A sub-species of monkey (which I could not recall its name unfortunately), have sex for fun!

Any male bear can mate with any female bear without restriction.

Male seahorses even get pregnant for their female counterparts!

But as for us, the humans,
the females are expected to dress-to-kill;
the females are expected to seduce the males;
the females required to pay males (in form of dowry) to get married or bluntly put, to mate;
the females are the one getting pregnant in the end of the day.

Worse
still, human race is most likely to be the only species which has some
weirdos who wanna have sex with another species in the animal kingdom.

Despite all this, we still sits at the top of the hierachy.

Strange world.

I love shopping. and anyone close to me knows how much I love it. they
say shopping is the (one of the) best therapy, I couldn’t agree more.
shopping is a mini-vacation…where you forget about your problems in
the office; forget about pending assignments; forget about

ur

bf’s grumbles for that 2 hours of priceless time in the shopping mall.
nah…. shopping is not about buying. its about letting go of burden in
your heart.

Some may not agree, but I hate
shopping during sales. I hate sales. sales is basically a marketing
gimmick. there is no such thing as giving discounts as for the benefits
of the consumers. if someone can slash the price for 50% or 70%, just
think about the real cost of that product. *sigghh.. but then, we still
find womenfolk clogging the malls during mega sales. oh yea.. did I
tell you

Malaysia

has 3 mega sales???

I
love to push the trolley with ease without need to worry about banging
on kids who are running around screaming like there is no tomorrow. I
love to stock up blouses and skirts, and yet manage to walk around the
mall without the fear of tripping on someone. I love to carefully
select my lingerie without getting caught by naughty eyes of some men.
I love to go all the way to the 3rd floor to select the heels, but only
to come down to the ground floor again to purchase the first pair I
laid my eyes on. So what if I take 2 hours to buy a blouse - shopping
is a luxury after all.

When I say shopping is a therapy..it only
means I should find satisfaction at the end of my ‘therapy session’.
not higher blood pressure as the result of squeezing myself between
seas of people in the boutiques. not nagging foot ache as the result of
queuing up for 1/2 hour at the cashier counter. not headache at the
result of breathing in various types of smell (yuckss).. what I want is
pure satisfaction. that is why I finished my Diwali shopping one month
ahead of the festival. cramming between people in Little India will be
the last in my want-to-do list.

So, mommy.. I am NOT coming with you for grocery shopping in weekends anymore!